apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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