I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
