I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
