Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
