How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize