I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
