Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
