if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
