my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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