There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
