There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
