I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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