can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The best revenge is premature balding
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
