so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
