billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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