i already hear my dad disowning me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.