I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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