Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
