Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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