If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need water and some morals
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
