I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
