What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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