Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
