Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
