OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Randomize
