I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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