I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
