she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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