Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
