I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
