Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we should paint friendship bongs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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