69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
