im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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