we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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