My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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