I've blown a few things in my day
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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