i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He did a backflip because drugs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
