maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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