Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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