ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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