youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
