You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
