She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
