the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my shit smells like andre
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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