I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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