a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
