fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
