sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
