If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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