Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
