You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Randomize
