1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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