there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
