Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
