Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
