I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
