so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He uses pillows to masturbate.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
