i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
