its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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